Leaders of the Pack:

Mike: Body by Luther Vandross, voice by Marvin Gaye, musical sensibilities by Darius Rucker.

Crystal: She could sing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” at this point and I’d still love it. I continue to hold out hope that her love of Melissa Etheridge has deeper roots than the singer-songwriter deal.

Siobhan: She’s a one-trick pony, sure. But it’s a good trick, and home audiences always like petite women who can scream.

In the Running:

Casey: Pros: best hair since Farah Fawcett, continues to wear very pretty blouses. Cons: might as well be nailed to the stage. Reason he’ll be in the top 3: the Producers are desperate for an attractive (straight) white boy to hang around til the end.

Lee: Has a marvelous David Matthews growl. Some people seem to like this. Unfortunately, he also has the wide eyes of a deer about to get hit by a truck.

Aaron: he’s a teenaged androgynous and decidedly nonthreatening boy. Do I even have to detail why he’s going to be around week after week?

Trailing Behind:

Andrew: Each week he loses his way further and further. “Straight Up” was a one-off, it looks like. Has the most commercial voice of the boys but that won’t save him.

Didi: Everything you do, Dido did already. And better.

Katie: She has the pipes, but no connection with any song she sings. And unless your name is Ella Fitzgerald, that doesn’t work.

Paige: See above.

You’re Still Here:

Tim: Listen. Not only is “Under My Thumb” a horrible, misogynistic POS song, nobody in the known universe was clamoring for the reggae version. Will hang around for the next several weeks because some people enjoy torturing the rest of the country.

Adios:

Lacey: Buy some scarves, and hope that they bring back “Night of a Thousand Stevies”